Universe

I have an illogical fear of aliens, yet I love space. I love stars, planets, the bits of universe scattered before our eyes. I love the thrill of the unknown, the thrill of discovery. Discovering new places, new lights. I decided that I would discover a planet like earth and then we could all move there and eat raspberries and have dance parties in the clean, fresh air.

But then I decided that my favorite discoveries were about you.

I love the discoveries I can make about your universe. They are dizzying, you are dizzying. Can we be dizzying too? Except, not the bad dizzying, because you're too good at the bad, and I want you to have to learn and grow. That way the discoveries will never stop. That way you and I will never stop. Never stop. And we'll just keep making our way through your universe until we can find my universe, and eventually our universe. Then we can be happy and make our universe just the way you want.

It will be an adventure. We can be your adventure. You can make discoveries and I can make discoveries and then we can write it down and have it mean more than just the empty words you said last week. Empty words that left me with that heavy weight in my chest. I've felt heavy weights before, but yours is the heaviest. I've lived with those heavy weights before, but yours is heaviest and I don't like it.

 I don't like it. 

Take it back.

Take back all of your words, your touches, your sensations. Take them all back, because if I can't always have them then I don't ever want them. If I can't be in your universe then you can't be in mine. If there will never be a universe that we can share then I don't want you to step foot into mine where you steal my mind, my time, my breath, my thoughts.

 I only have so much time here to breathe and think,

 and I don't want to waste it thinking of you if you won't waste yours thinking of me.

--P.A.