The Gambler

There is this song called "The Gambler" I like the lyrics. I would go through and tell you how each one applies to my life, how each one means something to me, but I want you to find your own meaning. Every song has some sort of meaning to every sort of person, even if it is simply just to reiterate how much you hate that song. So read, and listen if you want.
It's your life.... do stuff..... or you could be a bum all day and read through blogs and eat food. That's cool too.

"The Gambler"

Slow down, we've got time left to be lazy
All the kids are bloom from babies into flowers in our eyes
We've got fifty good years left to spend out in the garden
I don't care to beg your pardon, we should live until we die

We were barely eighteen when we crossed collective hearts
It was cold, but it got warm when you barely crossed my eye
And you turned, put out your hand, and you asked me to dance
I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight

I swear when I grow up I won't just buy you a rose
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely
For even if the sun stops waking up over the fields
I will not leave, I will not leave 'til it's on time
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side

It was the winter of '86, all the fields had frozen over
So we moved to Arizona to save our only son
And now he's turned into a man, though he thinks just like his mother
He believes we're all just lovers, he sees hope in everyone

And even though she moved away, we always get calls from our daughter
She has eyes just like her father's, they are blue when skies are gray
And just like him she never stops, never takes the day for granted
Works for everything that's handed to her, never once complained

You think that I nearly lost you when the doctors tried to take you away
But like the night you took my hand beside the fire thirty years ago
'Til this day, you swore you'd be here 'til we decide that it's our time
But it's not time, you never quit in all your life
So just take my hand and know that I will never leave your side
You're the love of my life, you know that I will never leave your side

You come home from work, and you kiss me on the eye
You curse the dogs, you say that I should never feed them what is ours
So we move out to the garden, look at everything we've grown
And the kids are coming home so I'll set the table; you can make the fire

 

--P.A.

#sorrynotsorry

I am fierce, I am fly. I am cool, I am confident.
I am caring, I am compassionate. I am helpful, I am hopeful.
Sometimes, sometimes I am these things.
Other times I am awful things.
Things that I like but don't like.
Like Sassy.
I am sassy.
And I love it....
But I also hate it.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Because sometimes, sometimes it upsets me.
But sometimes it's my favorite.
Sometimes I'm my favorite.
Sometimes you're my favorite.
But not right now
Because I think my sassiness is upsetting you.
#sorrynotsorry

 

--P.A.

The World

To: The World
From: The kind of person who likes ice cream sandwiches

So what if I'm the kind of person who still drags a blanket around the house with them instead of putting on socks and a sweater? So what if I'm the kind of person who would rather go on the Fantasy Land rides at Disneyland instead of the roller coasters at Lagoon? So what if I hate to think about moving out because I love my family? So what if I don't care about math because I always get bad math teachers?
So what?
Do you really have a problem with that?
Do you really need to bag on me to feel better?

I'm sorry?

I'm not sorry that I am who I am.
I dream what I want, I think what I want. I love being picky, I love being odd. I don't care if you think it's weird that I don't like certain foods. I think you're weird when you tell me I need to change. I think it's funny that you think you can change who I am just because I don't fit your idea of perfect. Your idea of perfect will change within a few months anyway.
I think you need to sort out your priorities.

--P.A.

The Other

She will do anything to succeed.
She wants to be loved for who she thinks everyone else wants her to be. But really she just wants everyone   else to want her to be herself, to love her being herself.
She loves it when she can just relax. She wants to just relax.
She feels a lot. She feels everything. She likes to feel a lot.
She refuses to acknowledge that she's overwhelmed.
She hates liars and pretenders, but doesn't realize that she's pretending half the time.
She loves to feel the air circle her.
She thinks her favorite way to wake up is to the smell of food. Really her favorite way to wake up is to the     sound of happy voices.
She wants to be young at heart for forever.
She likes to lick the batter off of the mixer when she makes brownies, especially when her Mom isn't there to tell her to stop being a little kid.
She loves to play on playgrounds.
She dances like her life depends on it because in her mind it does.
She loves her hair.
She wants to make a difference in anything she can. Sometimes it's everything, sometimes it's nothing.
She doesn't get along with a boy just because of misunderstanding, when really, they could be each others support in a world that doesn't want to understand them.
She laughs a lot.
She is addicted to the feeling of laughing so hard her stomach starts to object.
She wishes that she could just make everyone else see what she sees, feel what she feels, because then there might be a little more peace and happiness in the world.
She sings when she is alone, but doesn't think that she's very good, so when he tells her he heard and he likes it when she sings she gets upset.
She thinks that the color purple is pretty, but blue is better.
She pretends to not care.
She likes to look at pictures and dream of the different times, places, and people inside.


She wants to feel love deeper than the ocean and sweeter than ice cream and prettier than blue skies and        bigger than the universe. 
She wants to feel love.
She wants to feel.
She wants to.

I want her to, too.
I want her to be happy, to love, to feel, to be free of the weight in her chest.
I want her to dance so beautifully that she cries.
I want her hair to fall perfect.
I want her clothes to be happy.
I want her eyes to shine and her hands to be warm.
I want her to find the place in her heart where someone else belongs and fill it.
I want her to live with a smile.

--P.A.

Universe

I have an illogical fear of aliens, yet I love space. I love stars, planets, the bits of universe scattered before our eyes. I love the thrill of the unknown, the thrill of discovery. Discovering new places, new lights. I decided that I would discover a planet like earth and then we could all move there and eat raspberries and have dance parties in the clean, fresh air.

But then I decided that my favorite discoveries were about you.

I love the discoveries I can make about your universe. They are dizzying, you are dizzying. Can we be dizzying too? Except, not the bad dizzying, because you're too good at the bad, and I want you to have to learn and grow. That way the discoveries will never stop. That way you and I will never stop. Never stop. And we'll just keep making our way through your universe until we can find my universe, and eventually our universe. Then we can be happy and make our universe just the way you want.

It will be an adventure. We can be your adventure. You can make discoveries and I can make discoveries and then we can write it down and have it mean more than just the empty words you said last week. Empty words that left me with that heavy weight in my chest. I've felt heavy weights before, but yours is the heaviest. I've lived with those heavy weights before, but yours is heaviest and I don't like it.

 I don't like it. 

Take it back.

Take back all of your words, your touches, your sensations. Take them all back, because if I can't always have them then I don't ever want them. If I can't be in your universe then you can't be in mine. If there will never be a universe that we can share then I don't want you to step foot into mine where you steal my mind, my time, my breath, my thoughts.

 I only have so much time here to breathe and think,

 and I don't want to waste it thinking of you if you won't waste yours thinking of me.

--P.A.