Talk

Hey, come on in.

Thanks. Sorry I was a bit late.

No, you're totally fine.

Okay.

You can sit down if you want.

Alright.

Alright....

Can I have a drink of water?

Oh, yes! Of course!

Thanks.

Here....

.....

...You said you wanted to talk.

I...yeah. Yeah, I do.

Okay...

I just don't know what to say.

That would be a problem if you want to talk.

There's just feelings inside me that I need to get out but don't know how.

Sometimes I create feelings in others that they themselves can't explain.

Cars.

You know me so well.

I know. I like you so well too.

If that can even make sense.

Of course it makes sense, I said it.

Anyway, back to why you came?

Ah, yes... I just... I.... There's so much I want to say.

I know. I know. I'm the same way.

Maybe it just doesn't need to be said.

No, it needs to be said. I need to hear it. You know that.

Yes. Yes I know that.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm waiting.

How long?

Until you're ready.

--P.A.

Clear

Don't worry your precious head none. I'm here. You're here. Here we can stay for a little while and relish the tastes in our mouths of the words exchanged and the thoughts laid out on the table for consumption. We'll live each moment like our last, and when we are in the future we'll be happy that this is our past. We'll be happy. So don't fret, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You're going somewhere though. That's why I fret. Except I don't. Because it will all be okay. It will all be okay. In fact, it will be better than okay. Just wait and see.
See the sky? It's blue, and there are stars out there. You can't see them right now, but they're there. I promise. Sometimes I want to tell you that it will be like that. You can't always see me, but I promise I'm there. You won't always see me, but I promise I will be there. Just like the stars. Or the sun. Because sometimes you can't see the sun, just the reflection of it's light on the moon. Maybe I'm the moon, reflecting the light you give me. Maybe I'm the stars. Maybe I'm just the air you breathe in. Constant and essential. Because you are. You are lots of things to me. And someday you will understand and I will understand and it will all be clear.

 

--P.A.

Better

My eyelids try to close as I sit, exhaustion my close companion. But the exhaustion is worth it.
My thoughts are buzzing too loud for sleep, my fingers itching to move.
It has to be expressed; how I feel has to be expressed. I need you to know, need you to understand.
But I don't know what to say. My thoughts are too vivid for words, the written language inadequate for the expression of  feelings.
And I find no remedy to my problem.

For hours, days, I have tried. Tried to think of the words, our words. Maybe my vocabulary is too limited, and there is just no limit to how I feel.

Sometimes I'm sitting alone. My thoughts drift, you being on the top and inside of each.
I start to smile.
Someone walks by:
"Why are you smiling?"
"For a good reason."
That's my usual answer.
But Sometimes I use your name.
Because you are a good reason. We are a good reason. A good reason to be happy, a good reason to be better.
I'm a better person because of you.

--P.A.

Promises

Please keep your promises.

They mean a lot to me. And you mean a lot to me. All of you.

So please keep them.

Keep them long, keep them softly, keep them thoroughly.

Because if you do then we'll both be happier.

We'll both be safer.

We'll both be better.

A promise is more than just some words with a meaning behind them. It's a contract. If broken it breaks more than just trust. It breaks bones, people, thoughts. It hurts and stings and is hard to get over, no matter the subject of promise.
But if kept... if kept a promise can be a beautiful arrangement. It can allow growth, happiness, relaxation. Less stress flows and more smiles begin to show through the fear.

 It's cute, what kept promises can do to relationships, to people. 

--P.A.

The Gambler

There is this song called "The Gambler" I like the lyrics. I would go through and tell you how each one applies to my life, how each one means something to me, but I want you to find your own meaning. Every song has some sort of meaning to every sort of person, even if it is simply just to reiterate how much you hate that song. So read, and listen if you want.
It's your life.... do stuff..... or you could be a bum all day and read through blogs and eat food. That's cool too.

"The Gambler"

Slow down, we've got time left to be lazy
All the kids are bloom from babies into flowers in our eyes
We've got fifty good years left to spend out in the garden
I don't care to beg your pardon, we should live until we die

We were barely eighteen when we crossed collective hearts
It was cold, but it got warm when you barely crossed my eye
And you turned, put out your hand, and you asked me to dance
I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight

I swear when I grow up I won't just buy you a rose
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely
For even if the sun stops waking up over the fields
I will not leave, I will not leave 'til it's on time
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side

It was the winter of '86, all the fields had frozen over
So we moved to Arizona to save our only son
And now he's turned into a man, though he thinks just like his mother
He believes we're all just lovers, he sees hope in everyone

And even though she moved away, we always get calls from our daughter
She has eyes just like her father's, they are blue when skies are gray
And just like him she never stops, never takes the day for granted
Works for everything that's handed to her, never once complained

You think that I nearly lost you when the doctors tried to take you away
But like the night you took my hand beside the fire thirty years ago
'Til this day, you swore you'd be here 'til we decide that it's our time
But it's not time, you never quit in all your life
So just take my hand and know that I will never leave your side
You're the love of my life, you know that I will never leave your side

You come home from work, and you kiss me on the eye
You curse the dogs, you say that I should never feed them what is ours
So we move out to the garden, look at everything we've grown
And the kids are coming home so I'll set the table; you can make the fire

 

--P.A.

#sorrynotsorry

I am fierce, I am fly. I am cool, I am confident.
I am caring, I am compassionate. I am helpful, I am hopeful.
Sometimes, sometimes I am these things.
Other times I am awful things.
Things that I like but don't like.
Like Sassy.
I am sassy.
And I love it....
But I also hate it.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Because sometimes, sometimes it upsets me.
But sometimes it's my favorite.
Sometimes I'm my favorite.
Sometimes you're my favorite.
But not right now
Because I think my sassiness is upsetting you.
#sorrynotsorry

 

--P.A.

The World

To: The World
From: The kind of person who likes ice cream sandwiches

So what if I'm the kind of person who still drags a blanket around the house with them instead of putting on socks and a sweater? So what if I'm the kind of person who would rather go on the Fantasy Land rides at Disneyland instead of the roller coasters at Lagoon? So what if I hate to think about moving out because I love my family? So what if I don't care about math because I always get bad math teachers?
So what?
Do you really have a problem with that?
Do you really need to bag on me to feel better?

I'm sorry?

I'm not sorry that I am who I am.
I dream what I want, I think what I want. I love being picky, I love being odd. I don't care if you think it's weird that I don't like certain foods. I think you're weird when you tell me I need to change. I think it's funny that you think you can change who I am just because I don't fit your idea of perfect. Your idea of perfect will change within a few months anyway.
I think you need to sort out your priorities.

--P.A.