Unlock

I am not supposed to be thinking about you. I told myself to play it cool this time, to ignore the buzzing your smell creates. I am not supposed to be thinking about you, but I am.

10:01 and I’m sitting, staring, sitting and staring. My eyes hurt. My eyes hurt because of you. Because of you my eyes hurt. But don’t worry, it’s not because I have been crying. I’m not crying right now. Not like that one time. Or the others.

I can hear your laugh; see the scrunch of your nose, the shutting of your eyes. I make you laugh sometimes, sometimes. I feel your laugh as it climbs out from between your lips, fanning over my face, my mind. It makes me happy, pleasure sliding over my skin like the lotion you gave to help me feel better. Your laugh makes me feel better.

Your skin is hot when it touches, burning the feelings into my mind. We touch sometimes, sometimes. It can be a startling touch, but it can be a comforting touch too. You choose. But I know you don’t like choosing, so you won’t, and I’ll be left wondering what you really want.

I want to know, I want to feel. I want to see your mind, see you. What are you thinking? Are you thinking about me too? Am I confusing you just as much as you confuse me? Probably. But you won’t fix us unless I hand you the tools.

Maybe I should unlock the tool box.

--P.A.